I faked an abortion last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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