You're my little dorito
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
