This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
