C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
