This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
