went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
