He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
