he shaved USA in his pubs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god it's open bar.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
