She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
