i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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