Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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