This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
