So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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