So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize