I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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