Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
