I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
