From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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