I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
