Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
