He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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