we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
