Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
