the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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