I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize