It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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