Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
