I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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