eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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