Me too!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
