I'm gonna have a badass scar
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
