i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
