If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
