Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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