Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
