Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize