I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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