the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
