Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
