you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to make out with him forever
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
