dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
