....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
