I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
