Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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