Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still dying that you shit outside
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
