How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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