new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
