The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
