Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
