he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
