Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
