she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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