I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
