I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
