just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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