I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
