SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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