I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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