I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
