We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
