Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
