love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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