what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
