but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
