And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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