I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
