We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
