I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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