Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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