my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
