It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
