I will die if light touches me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
