Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
