ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
