Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
