im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
