If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
